Jan 29, 2011

Life: A Tangled Maze

It stings when good friendships turn into dust. A lot of times I feel it's unfortunate that no two entities can be on the same page. Life would seem so much easier then, I like to think. But this is also momentary; this relationship shall once again rise up from dust and reach a turn where each accepts and respects the page the other is on :). Amen.

Slept, pretty much, the entire day yesterday (Friday). I convinced myself that I was catching up on sleep, but in reality the more I slept the sleepier I got. Even depressive. Gotta consciously keep a hold on my lazy instincts.

I feel my roommates are like my family. And I love that feeling!

I used to think that people are more accepting of friends because in a way they're not directly involved and it's easier to accept one's faults when you don't have to deal with them on a regular basis. Now, however, I'm starting to think that families rate much, much higher because, although initially they may throw a tantrum or create a fuss about whatever seems out of the ordinary, once they come to terms with it, they stand tall and strong even when someone tries to push 'em down. Yeah, I know that most of the world thinks family is forever and it must come as a surprise that I am only now(!) realizing this. But while growing up, the person who influenced me the most had her own qualms about life based on her past experiences. Which, although weren't my own thoughts and beliefs, put a major impact on the way I saw things, intensely affected how I dealt with situations. I will not say that I feel unfortunate that my surroundings have affected me negatively at times, because there have been many more positive influences as well. I do, however, feel lucky to have been able to experience and interact with life so much that I can develop my own beliefs and opinions. Ideas that are my own and so strong that I can feel confident in rejecting what I learned at an impressionable age.

The above realization has nothing to do with my family. Extended or immediate. My family is not a family. It's just a word. Extended and immediate. Though, I have to admit that sometimes they surprise me with their family-like behavior.

I don't like to believe in luck. But since recently, I'm starting to feel that I am one lucky kid! I feel I've had it easy. Or may be not. May be it's all about how me, myself, and I perceive things. Because when I start thinking about the most recent crap (past 5-10 years), it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy at all. At one point I was even suicidal. That sounds horrible! That's the lowest someone can reach! But(!), I rose above either because of courage or because of cowardice. In my head it was cowardice. Nonetheless, I rose above and today after being past all that I feel I'm lucky. So, it's all about how the individual perceives things. We have to find faith within. No God helped me through, because I don't believe in that shit. I believed in myself. And I'm lucky that I had the courage to do just that - believe in self, instead of an outside phenomenon.

I may be getting better at suno sabki, karo apni (listen to everyone, but do what makes sense to you). However, it's unfortunate that people take it as an insult when they see that I decide not to do as they suggest and mis-categorize it as me not listening to them. Whereas to me it's just a matter of dealing with things differently because of being a different person with different experiences that lead to differing opinions and beliefs and actions. But unfortunately, feeling rejected dents one's ego and gives rise to conflict which leads to unnecessary tension that, quite simply, is made up! A figment! Life would be so easy if we just accepted people for who they are instead of forcing them to mold into our definition of perfection. How true does this sound: "I will love you if and only if you change yourself"? That's fake love! Thanks but no thanks, dear well-wisher :).

Life is so beautifully complicated! It's amazing! :D


  1. I remember one answer by Yudhishthira to a Yaksha's question in Mahabharata... The Yaksh asks: What is man's surest weapon in danger?, to which Yudhishthira answers "Courage is man's surest weapon in danger". I have been through some such prolonged depressive stage in life myself... and I used to remember these words to build my mental strength... Nothing more teaches you to believe in yourself than a calamity... but the same time you also learn to believe in God/Chance/Luck whatever you might call it... these two exist side by side... our efforts, self-esteem and luck or your environ and circumstances or something beyond your known control shaping up your life.... May life win in the end.... nothing to lose....

  2. This teaches so much. Straight-forward and very like my own line of thought.
    Thanks for sharing.