Aal Izz Well

It's amazing how much we rely on our bodies functioning normally. In the past two days, the machine(s) encasing my soul has been struck by a stiff neck, inflexible muscles, insomnia, and a fear of catching a cold, to mention just a few. Some of these may be interrelated, for example, neck pain making sleep a distant dream. Others, a result of prolonged dismissal of important activities: no yoga = old age, aka inflexible muscles.

Sure, I enjoyed insomnia night one. Sleepless, tired-less night. The world around me dark and quiet, the other side of the globe a frolicking bunch. Night two, however, should not have seen the sunrise but mid-day instead. After the initial fun it's just repetition, monotony, same-old! Fun turns into loneliness and excitement into anger.

On another note, finished my first quarter of art school two weeks ago. Did [extremely] well in academics after f-o-u-r l-o-n-g y-e-a-r-s; tasted my hard-earned triumph after, what once felt like, eternal darkness. March 23rd, the day I looked at my final grades, marked the end of one and the beginning of another cycle. During the first I saw all different levels of academic success, primarily driven by my social success. Current cycle's social success, I promise, will depend on my professional success.

Oh, lastly, I am [finally - not that I was hurrying -] in a committed relationship. Same guy, different story ;)

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

What does it mean when a place brings out the lazy in someone. Or maybe, it's not the lazy but, the scary in them. What if, you're in a place where you spend all your days in bed, under the covers, interacting with the world virtually. Only virtually. Never stepping out, not doing things you promised yourself you'd do, leaving the room only when it's a bodily need - feeding, excreting. The primary driving force here is a place; when outside its boundaries, all becomes well.

I enter such boundaries by will at times because if I don't, guilt starts creeping in. Initially so slowly that realization, dismissal, repetition enters what appears to be an infinite loop, pushing the equation off balance little by little, eventually reaching the point of, well, return. And thus reappears the scare, the fear, that thing that seems to be sitting on my soul, pushing me down, preventing myself from being myself.

May be it's time to say good-bye. Or, could it be, a see-ya-later!