My mouth hurts. Wisdom is painful.

I think this mouth-hurting business is an yearly event in my date-book. Last time wisdom started throbbing was indeed around this time in 2010. I have learned to accept it as a part of life after, uh, how many years has it been? Three, may be four. I don't know. Definitely the number that starts emerging patterns. Five? And(!), takes you to a point of knowing, experientially, that (1) the pain is only momentary and (2) you can't fuckin' do nothing about it, so shut up and keep dancing! Like a period, you know. First few years are a part of learning. Being miserable. Crying, making faces, and yelling 'mommy'. Eventually you experientially learn that (1) the pain is only momentary and (2) you can't fuckin' do nothing about it, so shut up and keep dancing! Or like a heartbreak. I don't know about you folks, but love isn't forever. Neither does it happen only once (Shahrukh Khan is a liar!). The first time your heart shatters, it takes a long, long time to mend. Took me 6 years. I was 16. Each time after that is probably as painful and depressing as the first, probably more, but having been through it before helps you learn, experientially, that (1) the pain is only momentary and (2) you can't fuckin' do nothing about it, so keep dancing, baby!

Going back to my wisdomy-ness. I really can't do anything about it. Knife is not an option. I don't trust people with knifes, especially if there goal is to use that knife upon me. People are humans, man. Humans are like you and me. We make mistakes. Hell, I'm reading this book that encourages making mistakes. Says that's the only way we learn. True. I agree with the book. And I chose to make the mistake of experiencing wisdom on a yearly basis.

Book Recommendation - Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error by Kathryn Schulz. 

TEDTalk here - highly recommended!

Something must've happened when I was younger, unborn, or another human. This knife-fearing business must be coming from somewhere!

In other news: I fear sleep. In the fear of getting too much sleep, I end up depriving myself of it, to eventually fall down and snooze for 10-12 hours. I see the problem. I see the pattern. However, I'm too fearful to figure out what to do about it. Getting into bed is a problem. Getting out out of bed is a problem. And it's taking a toll on my productivity, and physical and mental well being. "Help, I need somebody." -Beatles.

Happy and Merry

Today, like the past few days, was another round of happyness and merryness (misspelled on purpose :). The day started not as early as planned but ended up being more productive than the entire last week, combined! School, classwork, job, high priority errands, cooking turn, workout, homework, socializing, everything. I accomplished everything anticipated and more!

It is true: beauty does lie in the eye of the beholder. These days everything around me is beautiful, even when it's not! I smile. I radiate. And no, I'm not in love! At least not in love with another individual. Just content and comfortable with where I am, but still have that motivating drive encouraging me to keep going. Comfortable but not lazy. Content but still thirsty.

My third annual round of self-exploration just came to an end and this is where I end. Happy and Merry. May have figured out more concrete stuff this time around, or may be it's an illusion because it's a build up upon the past two years. Either way, I'm happy. And I'm merry.

…and when I'm happy and merry I cook what I don't cook other wise to share the happyness and merryness with, I guess, my family - roomies :). Today was a Chipotle-copy-cat meal. Turned out well.

That's about it. I don't know what more I want to say. Just wanted to record this happyness and merryness.

Kaanch si madira...

Out of the blue, without any fault of mine - and I mean it, I did nothing! Followed all rules of decent clothing - my nose started acting up on Sunday evening. Attack of the cold! It was taking a major toll on concentration and Monday night I realized that whiskey works wonders in curing stupid runny noses than any over the counter drug. That night was a good night :). Next morning I was almost cured, and the morning after that fully cured!

Next arrived Mr. Deadly Cough. Ignored it for one night - not good! Two tiny sips the next morning, kept my throat clear the e-n-t-i-r-e day! The day has now faded away and so has the drug. Thus, I return to the [bar] counter, pour myself a drink, sit back and s-i-p it this Thursday night while reading about John Baskerville.

Golden opportunity to have the golden drink!

On another note: came up with this while trying my dumbness on the guitar. First string, alternate frets.

First, Random Try by middlseat

Aal Izz Well

It's amazing how much we rely on our bodies functioning normally. In the past two days, the machine(s) encasing my soul has been struck by a stiff neck, inflexible muscles, insomnia, and a fear of catching a cold, to mention just a few. Some of these may be interrelated, for example, neck pain making sleep a distant dream. Others, a result of prolonged dismissal of important activities: no yoga = old age, aka inflexible muscles.

Sure, I enjoyed insomnia night one. Sleepless, tired-less night. The world around me dark and quiet, the other side of the globe a frolicking bunch. Night two, however, should not have seen the sunrise but mid-day instead. After the initial fun it's just repetition, monotony, same-old! Fun turns into loneliness and excitement into anger.

On another note, finished my first quarter of art school two weeks ago. Did [extremely] well in academics after f-o-u-r l-o-n-g y-e-a-r-s; tasted my hard-earned triumph after, what once felt like, eternal darkness. March 23rd, the day I looked at my final grades, marked the end of one and the beginning of another cycle. During the first I saw all different levels of academic success, primarily driven by my social success. Current cycle's social success, I promise, will depend on my professional success.

Oh, lastly, I am [finally - not that I was hurrying -] in a committed relationship. Same guy, different story ;)

Aroma Reboot

It has been a month since a cigarette stick last danced between my fingers. A month since it last kissed my lips. A month since it filled my lungs with guilty pleasure. Fingers don't reek of disgust anymore and deadly coughs are close to nonexistence.

Pockets feel both heavy and light - no 20-packs, no gum-sticks, no liquid scents. Limbs only shiver when necessary, when stepping out is a requirement. Nervous system craving nicotine is dismissed as soon as it's realized. Which, by the way, is inversely proportional to time - as time moves on, cravings decrease. In other words, time lapse between two successive cravings is on a rise.

Held the last black butt between my right index finger and thumb on November 11, 2009 at 12:10am. Looked right into it, said good-bye, and put it back into the Kretek Black Box. Idea is to get it framed and celebrate! Everyday!

Travel Green

Stopped using MARTA - Atlanta's public transit system - at the end of my Spring 2009 semester at Georgia State University. In spite of working at the university over this past summer, I chose not to commute using the train. Initial reason was to get in shape. I bicycled, walked, even ran to work sometimes. After a couple of weeks, however, addition of a second job - about 20 miles from GSU - on my daily to-do list, prohibited the possibility of foot or public transport, leaving the sole alternative: burning petroleum every single day of the week. And so I did, for the next eight months, until December 1, 2009.

Ever since my decision to move to the heart of Midtown Atlanta - Intersection of Peachtree Street and Ponce De Leon Avenue - I had been excited about walking to everywhere! However, after the initiation of the Daily Fuel-Burn program, I started driving to everywhere! Even if I had to go a few blocks to Tenth and Piedmont, or even worse, two blocks to North Ave and Piedmont!

Thus, four days ago, on the first day of the last month of the last year of the first decade of this second millennium a.d., after several months of procrastinating the application of this idea, I decided to again start using Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority (MARTA) for all my in-town commutes.

Happy to announce: I am now a Green Commuter. And with this mother nature love comes the free tool of just enough alone time to get in touch with one's inside nature, to keep it in check and make sure it's getting enough music, podcast listening, and reading time.

Signing off,

-Happy Soul, oh yeah...

Ab Dilli Door Nahi (Delhi Ain't Too Far No More)

November 13, 2008. Have been eagerly waiting for this day since October 24 when I booked my round trip to India. Six week travel starts today, at 5:25pm (EST). Too excited! It has been more than 7 years since I was in India last. Looking forward to meet everyone! Have been getting up in the middle of night for the past two days and looking around to figure out if I'm there already :P

So far, my schedule looks pretty busy. Landing on 14th midnight.. will be 1-2a by the time I step out of the airport. Leaving for Shimla with grandparents the same morning. Return on 19th, with 20-21 in Delhi.. when I hopefully go to Pragati Maidan to attend a Trade Fair with school friends. Flying to Hydrabad sometime in the evening of 21st. Nothing planned after that, but hopefully I'll also visit Pune and Mumbai to visit family and friends on my way back to Delhi. After that, Dilli and UP!

So mostly, travel all over. Just have my fingers crossed that I don't get sick. Any pointers?

White Rings

I think it has been long due and it's finally time to stop holding a small white stick between my fingers and bringing it to my lips repeatedly. It's time to kiss good bye cigarettes. 

I tried my first sutta back in early 2006. Hated it. And continued to hate it until summer 2007 when out of boredom and having a lot of free time at hand, I started smoking away in the afternoons. I would specially walk home from work, smoke one, thoroughly wash my hands and brush my teeth, pop a gum in my mouth and walk back. During the fall semester I started going to the gym, and there came a point when just smelling them from a distance would drive me nuts, I had to hold my breath whenever I walked by someone inhaling and exhaling that poisonous smoke. Soon, lazy-ness came over me, I quit gym and by December the poisonous stick found its way back into my mouth. It wasn't until April 20, 2008 that I decided to kick back for good, as a 21st year resolution to myself (note: I turned 21 on April 22 '08). Good for one month, fighting back the urge, this time I didn't have gym to support my lungs, and within a month my mind said, "ah, what the heck..." and I gave in. 

Now, it's mid August 2008... and trust me when I tell you, no more white rings. At least not when there's no liquor in my body. That makes 85% of the week. Ah, only if there weren't no Fridays.